Dear Readers, I welcome both of you to my memoirs-my life has been an exciting one-brekfast in the mornings, tea in the afternoon, and those cheesy biscuits between meals. I have ridden on trains, arranged flowers and once I rescued a squirrel from a badger with gangrene. But enough of these frivolities! In these pages, you will discover many of my adventures, including the time I saw some poor people, and my journey to egypt, where I discovered firsthand that some people are a slightly more browny shade of pink than we in Great Britain. You may also get to hear of my romance with Lord Primark, and how my evil Uncle, the Count of Morrisons, almost foiled our plans for marriage. Happy readings, and I wish you every success,
yours humbly, Lady Waitrose Selfridge, of Mayfair, RRD, MB, QI, LED, WTF
About Me
- Lady Emily Waitrose-Selfridge
- I was born in 1855, a good year for livestock and the colour purple. As a Lady, I live on a humble income of £18, 000 a year, which is just enough to help with my main hobby: collecting stuffed Woodlice. My parents are both dead, or possibly abroad, I always get confused about the matter. Anyhow, they send a postcard once a year. My brother is a notorious gin addict and runs a high class (HIGH class, mind you) opium den in london with some chinese chums. I hope one day to have lots more money, and a husband who says "Now, really dear!" a lot.
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