Rising early this morning (12.30pm), I opened my paper, The Gentle Lady (it has the corners rounded off so Ladies don't hurt their fingers) to discover a shocking scandal! Brace yourself reader, for the news of the century!
It appears that some of the gentlmen of the House of Lords have been taking some of the money they have been allowed for the buying of newspapers and ink and small boys to use as footstools-and INSTEAD, have spent it on frivolities! Here are just some of the things purchased:
one small ornatmental lawn giraffe (plus cage and feeding equipment)
two cockney pearlie kings
one large print naughty comic (the adventurs of winky the dog and his owner the bishop of bath and wells), purchased on behalf of an MP's butler
A wide screen print of Milais "Scrictly Come Dancing"
3 bottles of Dennis' Home Brew ( a beer made from grass and horse glue)
A giant novetly monocle (though Lord Stains insists he has very bad eyesight)
Some bagpipes made of marmalade
and, most horrifically of all, A train ticket to Milton Keynes
Shocking, I know. Gone are the days when MP's will use their money wisely and spend it on Palaces for Ducks, or a massive estate in wales. What HAS the world come to? I feel a faint coming on...