Tuesday, 4 January 2011

4th Janurary 1874

Dear Reader,

Apologies! Being incredibly rich has kept me from writing for many months now, those poor people wont stamp on themselves!

Christmas was simply splendid-four new diamonds, and I had the inspired idea of hanging tiny orphan children on the tree-not only an excellent and very "grunge" style decoration, but also they can hold the candles and candy canes.

In political news, the splendid Tories have won the race to the ballot boxes, and our glorious Prime Minister is keeping one of the Whigs on a lead outside Downing Street. Although I am personally enamoured with Plastic Percy (my own private nickname for the PM) some people (mainly the unwashed) have accused him of being a total Cunt. But they're the sort who probably read books and such, so I wouldnt listen to them. What I do know is that, contratory to popular belief, he is a wonderful leader and will no doubt bring in all sorts of lovely laws to prevent women such as myself from tiring our delicate brains through education or work. Apart from the poor ones, obviously.

Lord Primark has promised to take me shooting in India, he says its simply crawling with Tigers and exotic birds, which will be great fun to look at when we arnt shooting the indigenious peoples! In other news, I narrowly beat Lady Staines at the annual flower arranging competition, nothing at all to do with the fact that I put magic mushrooms in her Earl Grey.

Must dash, am meeting Lord Primark at iPaddington station, tarrah!

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